My Post Partaum Brain

I’ve been trying to write this post for two weeks and finally decided this afternoon to give up trying to make it gel and instead decided to just get the thoughts down and the memories recorded before I lose them. So here’s a very stream of consciousness post of the handful of fully formed thoughts that I’ve had in the first 3.5 weeks of baby D’s life.

My two year old is huge. Everything about him, his legs, his feet, the sheer weight of his body, his head. Everything that seemed so small about him before baby D are now gargantuan in comparison. And though little J is a huge cuddle-er and I love him for it, I’ve determined that baby cuddles are sweeter in round two because its nice to sit quietly with someone who doesn’t squirm and weighs so little!

Those little legs and hands that I could feel in my belly are amazing. I’m more enamored with them this time with baby D’s features perhaps because I know that in two years, they’ll be gone. I remember feeling very overwhelmed in the first few days of his life every time I held him by the miracle of conception and the growth of a baby in the womb. Psalm 139 was frequently on my mind.

These first few weeks where I’ve had to rely on help from others to watch little J have been hard. I was so present in his life a month ago and now I feel like I barely see him. The care that my parents and Alex have provided for him over the last three weeks has been immeasurably valuable but it breaks my heart a little that I’m not able to do more for him right now.

I can’t imagine doing this alone. Being able to tag team parent with Alex right now because he’s done with school and in transition mode has been an HUGE blessing. We’re getting closer to having bed time and nap time routines that work for everyone’s needs but we’ve had some off days and its been wonderful to know that he’s got my back so that I can deal with whichever kid needs me more at the present moment.

And lastly, of course, I can’t help but compare baby D to little J when he was a baby. Some of this things are easy comparisons – physical features for instance. Baby D has much darker and longer hair and longer, more slender fingers. His birthmark is over his lip where little J’s was on his nose. They have the same chin, but I think that’s the extent of their shared facial features as newborns but judge for yourself from the pictures below (D is first).

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