Confessions of a First Time Mama

a la Confessions of a Shopaholic which I read and hated because she made me mad, but that’s beside the point…the point is that I wanted to write up a post to remember what the first few months of motherhood have been like for me. I have hopes that it will encourage me if we decide to have other children and that it will encourage other new mamas out there because I guarantee I’m not alone in my antics or sentiments.

– I Google everything. Like literally everything. From diaper rash to eye infections to bathing techniques, you name it – I’ve Googled it. And every time I do, I wonder what was motherhood like before the internet and smartphones? Maybe it was easiest and simpiler, but I will say being able to hear from others gives me lots of perspectives to weigh and peace of mind. And yet…

– I called my pediatrician (what felt like) weekly for the first six-weeks of SBJ’s life. At one point, I even went against my pediatrician’s advice which was super hard, but I was convinced she didn’t have our best in mind.

– I’m absolutely terrified that I’m going to drop SBJ every time I carry him around. Especially when I’m outside.

– I stained some of my cloth diapers with diaper cream. Even though I had read a lot about cloth diapering, everyone failed to mention this super important fact.

– I had very few expectations about labor and the first few weeks. So life was good. The one expectation I did have was the if I followed BabyWise SBJ would be sleeping through the night before 12 weeks. I had the book practically memorized before he was born and had heard lots of success stories. He’s 11+ now and he’s still waking to eat once in the middle of the night which has been hard for me to grasp and has resulted in some tears on my end.

– Speaking of BabyWise. I liked it, I get it. It’s hard to do. Especially if your house is a revolving door of company when baby is new. SBJ is not a by the book babe and I just had to get to the point were I was ok with that. We have good days, and we have not so scheduled days, and that’s fine. He’s less than 12 weeks old for heaven’s sake.

– I am SO thankful that I have mama friends who are a few months or years further into being a mama. It was such a blessing to be able to ask them questions in those first few days when everything was new and a little gross.

– I love my Moby, my Boppy, my clip-in car-seat and would definitely recommend all of them.

– And finally the one that’s hardest for me to admit because it was an internal struggle for me until I figured it out…It took me until about week 7 before I actually would say that I truly loved my son. I think it was at that point that his little personality finally started to show and I could anticipate some of things he would do and he started to become more aware of who I was. Now that he’s smiling and laughing at me, my heart melts when I see him and think about him, but before I really just felt like I was taking care of this little person. I’ve heard it described as dating and I think after going through it, I would totally agree with that sentiment. Sure I was thrilled when he was born and it was new and exciting, but it wasn’t love at first sight. We had to get to know each other first. I had to learn about him and figure out who he was before I had affections of love toward him. Now that I know him, I feel fiercely protective of him and have immense joy when he’s with me, but I had to grow into those things. Truthfully, when I look back at falling in love with Alex, it was a similar road. So, maybe that’s just me, or maybe that’s the reality of motherhood. You can love your babies from the beginning but you also have to fall in love with them over time.

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